


wide open to the blessings

by dizzy



Series: we're all fucking fine 2020 advent fics [8]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-09
Updated: 2020-12-09
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:22:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27979545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dizzy/pseuds/dizzy
Summary: A day in the life of Dan and Phil circa February 2016.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Series: we're all fucking fine 2020 advent fics [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2035990
Comments: 17
Kudos: 105





	wide open to the blessings

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: _something from the radio show era :)_

**Feb 1, 2016**

"Be honest," Phil says. 

"I fucking hate you. Is that honest enough?" 

"No!" Phil laughs and shoves Dan, who obligingly lets his shoulder bump against the lift wall. "I'm serious. Be honest." 

"Okay. What?" 

"Your life flashed before your eyes, didn't it?" 

The words explode out of Dan's mouth. "Fuck _off_." 

"I'm just saying-" 

"What you saw was me wanting to literally murder you." 

"Why! I was just saying the band's name!" Phil defends himself. 

"Oh, right, yeah," Dan mocks. "It's lion, _babe_. Sure. Sure you were. You little twat." 

"You actually panicked! Did you really think-" 

"No." 

"Did you think I'd actually-" 

"No!" 

"On air!!"

"I think you're a fucking snek is what I think," Dan says, jabbing Phil in the shoulder. 

The lift doors open and Phil's mouth snaps shut, both of them taking a half step apart just in case, the way they always do. 

-

Home feels smaller than it used to. 

Dan isn't sure when that happened. He remembers when they moved in, how they nonstop marveled for months over finding such a big flat more or less in their price range. Just living in the city seemed like enough to make all their dreams come true. 

It was only four years ago. Only four years? He feels like a whole new person but his mind tells him that surely isn't that long. He's not sure when he started to feel this way, like someone drenched yesterday in molasses and that's how time passes now, in drips and splatters on the floor around him. 

They didn't have much when they moved. Not many possessions, not much money, and truth be told, Dan didn't even have all that much hope. He let Phil carry that for the both of them and he's glad he did, because somewhere between optimism and realism they've cobbled together a life that means something. 

They've already been talking about moving. They spend plane rides looking at listings. They while away hours in bed on their phones scrolling through. They've got money now, enough to stop and breathe, enough to plan for a future. 

Part of those plans are how to make it all last. Phil's invested in that. Dan's just intimidated by it. It's another thing he turns his eyes away from and trusts Phil with. 

He wants to do less of that. He wants to feel like he's pulling his weight. Phil always tells him that he is. He tells him the insecurities are irrational. He says he understands but he hopes Dan can see one day. 

Dan hopes he can see one day, too. He reaches out and taps his fingers against a crack in the wall of the hallway. It's not a perfect place, in general or for them, anymore, but the walls are still holding right now. 

-

"I'm having more cake," Phil announces. He's in the kitchen, but Dan can hear him just fine from the lounge. "Want some?" 

"I can't believe you're actually offering to share," Dan calls back. "And yes." 

Phil comes back with one giant slice on one place, with two forks. "You need to do the dishes." 

"Why me!" 

"Because it was my birthday yesterday," Phil says. 

"Yesterday. Key word. Yesterday." 

"Yeah, but you know it's always a birthday week," Phil argues. "The celebrations aren't done." 

Dan groans. "You shouldn't be allowed to schedule birthday dinners after your birthday." 

"We were busy last week," Phil says. 

"It's not even your birthday month anymore." 

"Stop being birthdayist," Phil orders. "Or I'm taking my cake back." 

Dan shoves a massive forkful into his mouth then chews obnoxiously. 

"You should just be glad I'm willing to pause it for you tomorrow," Phil says. 

"Phil." Dan groans for a different reason this time. 

"Shush," Phil orders. "We're having a whole night of it. We're going to order pizza and open that fancy bottle of champagne your mum gave us. Come on. I'm proud of you. Let me be proud of you." 

"It's just a stupid special on games," Dan says. He'd sink down into the sofa crease if he weren't actually enjoying the cake so much. 

"It's an entire documentary," Phil says. "And you hosted it. You worked really hard and traveled all over. You get to be proud of yourself, Dan." 

Dan breathes in deeply and doesn't say anything. Maybe Phil's right. Maybe his therapist is right. But his brain has spent a very long time convincing him that pride cometh before the fall, and that maybe if he doesn't let himself feel the pride then the fall won't hurt so much. 

-

The pillow is suffocating him, damp and foggy from where he's panting into it. 

He loves this. Sweaty and stretched open and filled up and being fucked and loved and used and worshipped and yes his mind rambles when he's getting laid but there are worse qualities about a person. 

Phil's dirty talk probably qualifies as a worse quality, but Dan has long since learned to forgive those sins. Sometimes it even kind of works for him. 

His skin prickles in that specific way when Phil starts mouthing at the back of his neck. He's talking but it takes a while for the words to penetrate Dan's fuck-fogged brain. 

"Come on," Phil whispers.

"Oh-" Dan's a slut for Phil telling him what to do like that... during specific situations. Like this one. And any time it's already something Dan actually wants to do. 

"Yeah." Phil thrusts in and he's nailing the right spot and it's like every nerve ending in Dan's body was made to be receptive to this. He may not always know the word to say what he is, the label that feels right, but this - this has always felt right. He doesn't question this. 

He feels Phil's fringe tickling the back of his neck and his fingers clench at the sides of the pillow. He bites down on it, everything going tense. 

"Come on," Phil keeps urging. "You feel so good. Come for me... _babe._ " 

And with that, Dan proves that he is a master of multitasking by elbowing Phil in the side while also having an orgasm.

**Author's Note:**

> INTERNET NEWS: Our first story today... Sarah waveydnp continues to be the best beta reader and loveliest person!


End file.
